You’re the mum. Child-free people don’t have regret down the road If you are back on your feet by the time they are invited, and you and SO are NOT in agreement, you do have the option of just leaving for a friend's or your mom's. Be clear about your reasons for making this choice and be able to enumerate them. Dear Willie D: I am a 27-years-old divorcée with four small children ages eight months [through] six years. Your ILs should have known that someday the person they were being unpleasant to would be the gatekeeper of their grandchild. Some experienced perspective on this would be nice. I’m mom to a nine-month-old and fifteen weeks pregnant. We maintained a relationship with one of DH’s siblings + SO until it became apparent that everything we told them was immediately relayed back to ILs. Don't apologize for the way you feel. People with that little self-restraint shouldn't be around children. Children can be nurtured and loved by people they do not share DNA with. Some days I want to kill myself, I wouldn’t wish my child’s Autism on my worst enemy… and I love my child, but I need respite and there isn’t any, my family won’t help, I don’t blame them, neither will my spouse’s, no one can handle it… we have been trying for 3 years now to get resources… I dont even know where to start with the issues in this family but lets just say, I’ve only been married to DH nearly a year now and his mother and sister have done no end of terrible things to us both. Giving them access and a relationship is a good way to have them go to court for grandparents rights when your husband finally pulls his head out of his ass and you all go NC later. I suppose I better start with a bit of a back story, I am a single mum (26) of a 5 year old and have been for 2 years! I'm totally loosing the will to live and would rather be dead than have to inflict my daughter with the awful mother that I am. So my mom kept them at arm's length. They made other plans for Thanksgiving, but are now at their house that is only a few miles from mine. This varies from state to state; look yours up and consult a lawyer if there’s anything that could possibly be construed as applying to you, especially if you’re considering divorce.). They do not hold Baby. Knowing they knew not to admit anyone except my then husband was a huge relief on my end. Obviously, "faaaamily" is not stopping them from being abusive, right? Despite what everyone here is saying: “life is worth living” etc, I want to let you know what I feel. So, if you happen to be a frustrated adult child, know and reclaim your value. We don't want to burden one another's families financially like that. So you will need him to protect both you and your baby from them. It's not your fault they didn't think things through. You don’t necessarily have to work with an agency for this path. Parenting is challenging and often emotional, especially when our kids are defiant, disrespectful, or not who we wanted them to be. Press J to jump to the feed. Dear Willie D: I am a 27-years-old divorcée with four small children ages eight months [through] six years. I Don't Want My Child (reddit stories) (aita) Has anything insane happened to you? I don’t want to feel like I’m walking … He was a great husband and father, and his only "crime" was that he made her daughter happy. Parents don’t want to admit an ugly truth—that sometimes they don’t like their child. I know there are a lot of parenting cynics out there. First of all, I am very sorry that this has happened to you. Given my unique situation, all I want to do is to avoid family gatherings, dinner-party invites, and the like and eliminate all social media from my life. I don't harbour anger against them, They're strangers I am not related to, in my mind. Being "faaamily" didn't stop my grandma from being abusive to me. I don't want to talk about these things with anyone but my two best friends and they can't do much more than listen. Let me ask you: what will happen in the first eight weeks of baby’s life if MIL and SIL are not permitted to see baby? I don't give a rats ass to know these bastards and when I was forced to write a letter to my great-aunt, as a teen, I told her as much. This sounds like a DH problem, though. How do I fix this? As for stay overs no means no also. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If DH is dishonest about them being there when you return, you can still just drive away, and get a hotel room, or stay with friends or relatives. I get it: You don't want children. That is worth reading, as is the Lemon Clot essay (not while you’re eating). It's the kind of statement that often prompts total disbelief. Don’t let them. There is nothing wrong with feeling protective of your spawn. Don't report things just because you don't like or believe them.. TL;DR? Frankly, most things “Disney” are weird at best, and a little toxic at worst. I'm actually falling into drepression from all the trouble my teen is causing me. Can you count on them to lose their shit? Your partner has a thousand good reasons s/he doesn't want children. I know context may be necessary to really communicate the resentment I have towards them but you know what, I actually don’t even like thinking about them and frankly I wish they would all just go the fuck away. I read about other parents who don’t want to parent anymore and then I don’t feel so bad or alone. It takes two yeses to approve a thing for LO and only one no to veto it. You’re the mum. Sounds like he has some stresses in his life, I imagine he is struggling with hormones & changes as he is going through puberty, let alone all of the wild & scary things that are out there in social media and school and so on. Your Mom instincts are telling you something, and I think you have good instincts. Then I became a teacher and realized that I really like children, but I don't really like them after 4 p.m., Monday through Friday. He's a perv and it triggered me hard and I hated myself for even having him around. The poor child got chemical burns on her girl parts, and will probably have permanent scarring. What I’m trying to say is that your presence may not be enough to keep them from hurting your child (whether physically or emotionally) - the only surefire prevention would be for them to not ever be around her. It was a huge relief to not have to visit this awful person anymore. If you are thinking, “I don’t want my child anymore,” you may have someone in mind who can provide the love and support you cannot at this time in your life. I want to be able to give my children everything they need in terms of my time and energy. Best wishes for an easy and comfortable third trimester and delivery.). Sounds horrible! You guys come in a variety of packaging. I don't want my child anymore? Limited meetings... with strict boundaries. But it was more than just a rough night; it was a stark and deeply unpleasant sense that there had been many nights like this and there would be many more to come. Ive been a lurker on this forum for a looooong time and finally decided to post because I think my mind is made up. Sounds like he has some stresses in his life, I imagine he is struggling with hormones & changes as he is going through puberty, let alone all of the wild & scary things that are out there in social media and school and so on. The first line of defense and the ideal situation is you and DH on the same page. They treated her terribly. You already know they are terrible people and have considered divorcing DH already?? Her relationship with her daughter was awful, in spite of them being related by blood. You might be depressed. I used to be a very happy and positive person. A mom is never, ever supposed to admit this, but here goes: I've never liked my child. That they are abusive and you don't feel safe. If you can’t engineer that, you might consider a plan B in which you decide on no visitors at all for eight/twelve weeks, and you let the batshit crazy ILs show your husband just how volatile they are. She upsets me every day. I would go NC for myself and Baby. But I do agree though.. they should meet their grandchild. (In my state, it would also set us up for a slam-dunk grandparents’ rights claim even though DH and I are married and agree that ILs are not to meet our child. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I cry all of the time. Very disrespectuful, doesn't listen if I punish him, now doing drugs..and thinks its all part of life. Otherwise you might get these assholes that try and sue you for grandparents rights because that’s apparently a thing now . There are plenty of couples who have chosen to protect their child from an abusive grandparent or other extended family. If he did I would fucking bury him 6 feet under. It was a sudden realization. For YOU, being around stress producing people can lead to issues with bonding, post partum depression and slow your own recovery from childbirth. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. But, in every single case, sacrificing your own happiness to keep your partner happy is a recipe for future marital discord.Choosing not to have children must come from your heartfelt desire not to have them. So nope they should go fuck a cactus if it isn't FOR YOUR CHILD then why do it? My life is hell daily. YOU learn about what can happen, encourage HIM to learn, and keep all of you safe from those harridans. One dude I knew, years ago, … All it takes is one trip to the bathroom, and your parent could be feeding your allergic child allergen-laced cookies. I don’t really allow anyone to hold my babies unless they ask (FMIL always asks permission) and as for stay overs? I suggest surrounding yourselves with good people, and cutting out those who are hurting you. They'd either take baby with them back to the nursery, (if it was a longer period, like a shower) or watch him until I came out of the bathroom. I'm totally loosing the will to live and would rather be dead than have to inflict my daughter with the awful mother that I am. I want to run away! How do I fix this? Do talk to your DH about this and relay to him of how important this is for you. I think if you read some of the stories here, you will see how JustNos can really harm children even with supervised visitation. She upsets me every day. No kids, so I would not orphan anybody. ► I Don't Want My Child (reddit stories) (aita)► Has anything insane happened to you? I feel that I have lived and seen sufficient that I don't need any longer here. I don’t want to go to Disneyland And I don’t want to be the asshole parent for feeling that way. .... a child doesn't meet the grandparents because grandma or grandpa dessseeerrrvvvrrr it or havr RIGHTS. You do not have to allow yourself to be surrounded by horrible people, just because DH wants them there. All I can say is, I’ve truly had enough. Psychologists and child behavior specialists can help us tell the difference between ungrateful children from those who have been victims of a toxic influence. When I was a child, I thought I would get married and have four kids. I don't know what to do. Lori June 18, 2015 at 8:05 pm - Reply Child-free people don’t have regret down the road She sent her flying monkeys trying to get in contact with me for years, and I refused. He's 15 and about to repeat the 7th grade again! I know that sounds so awful but that is how I feel. I’ve even considered divorce to get away from them, yes, even with a supportive DH. I want to be able to give my children everything they need in terms of my time and energy. ILs have never met #1 and will be kept unaware of #2 for as long as humanly possible. Spending a lot of time around kids gave me my answer. For example, clinical psychologists Seth Meyers and Preston Ni explain how the actions of the parents can ruin the lives of their children. The weekend comes and I sleep in very late on that Saturday, waking up at 1:00 pm (don’t judge lol). 5. Yes. I won’t have him do what he did to his son to MY children. That's perfectly reasonable. I Don't Want My Child (reddit stories) (aita) Has anything insane happened to you? As a result, if your child gets too much attention from others, including family members, you may dominate your child in an effort to squash your child's self-esteem. As a child, I could not figure out why she was so awful, and I really could not understand why my parents put up with it. It sounds like NC is the best for you and the child. When we got back from taking him to the ER, my husband made me go comfort his mother and tell her I don't hate her for the baby getting hurt. Forget restricting visits or forbidding overnight sleepovers - I don’t want them to see or touch my kid at all. I used to be a very happy and positive person. What might make you feel better, is if baby is in a bassinet next to your bed. Rules Reminder: r/JUSTNOMIL does not tolerate shaming or trolling of any kind. I grew up with very little contact with extended family. My husband is not really very helpful but he tries to be supportive to me. Then I’m ready to put on my “big girl pants” on. I don’t really allow anyone to hold my babies unless they ask (FMIL always asks permission) and as for stay overs? I don’t respond to her and think nothing of it. DH can do what he wants for himself. My daughter is 3 and doesn't listen to me or do anything I ask. 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