I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.” – 30 Rock, 178. “You’ll know a person is in love when he can laugh like a fool by himself and keeps a goofy smile plastered on his face all day long.” – Unknown, 123. “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. “A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.” – Les Dawson, 138. “Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” – Kathy Mohnke, 101. "Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller, 24. There is clearly something wrong with you," Garrett joked.”, “She got to her feet and tucked her fingers into her armpits to warm them, glaring at Briar and Parahan as she walked over to the mules. “It’s the 21st century. “People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” – Andy Warhol, 57. “The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” – Coleridge, 68. “You know how people say, ‘you can’t live without love’? “Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.” – Unknown, 180. Not for a hundred million, trillion, … “I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.” – Rob Delaney, 65. “Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery, 165. “The four most important words in any marriage. “Marriage is like a bank account. “Romantic love is mental illness. “You’re like a dictionary – you add meaning to my life.” – Unknown, 8. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.” – Steven Wright, 103. 48. “Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.” – Unknown, 85. “I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” – Russell Brand, 133. “I'm even going to electrolyze my urine. Get married on his birthday.” – Cindy Garner, 186. – Unknown, 82. “I had a dream that I still loved you…I think I woke up screaming.” – Unknown, 141. Funny Pregnancy Quotes. This is a DIGITAL PRODUCT for INSTANT DOWNLOAD. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans, 139. And do you know what else love is? Here we share 60 short funny quotes and funny wise sayings with beautiful images and funny pictures. Light travels faster than sound. “I love you with all my belly. You start doing things you normally wouldn’t because when it comes to love, you don’t think twice. “Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.” – Unknown, 147. “You want to know who I’m in love with? “At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” – Plato, 153. “Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. As always, remember to share these funniest quotes with your friends and loved ones because they will certainly make their day! “I love you from my head tomatoes.” – Unknown, 39. Everyday.” – The Notebook, 47. “You love flowers, but you cut them. 250+ Best Short Funny Quotes That'll Make You Spit Your Drink Out, Love Notes For Him: 147 Romantic, Funny & Cute Quotes For Your SO, Movie Quotes About Love: 130 Most Romantic Quotes From Movies, 250+ Amazing, Funny And Cute Instagram Captions About Love, 250+ Best Short Funny Quotes That’ll Make You Spit Your Drink Out, I Love You More Than Quotes And Sayings Straight From The Heart. “Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you!” – Unknown, 21. “Marriage does not only require you to deal with expenses and the toilet seat, you also have to deal with feelings and the last resort, the lawyers.” – Unknown, 100. "Every fire hydrant in the city has dog pee on it, Mr. Monk. “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde, 31. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore niki's board "funny bathroom quotes" on Pinterest. “Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debating.” – Ray Bandy, 79. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. “Let’s be weird and wonderful together.” – Unknown, 12. “Forever is a long time, make sure you spend it with someone who makes you laugh!” – Unknown, 40. “When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.” – Unknown, 119. For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” – Professor Irwin Corey, 102. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.” – Unknown, See also: 250+ Amazing, Funny And Cute Instagram Captions About Love, 131. “If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say ‘Now you’re super mad! “Men are from Earth. Men marry women hoping they will not. Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser, 128. We’re already fighting! I better go to the doctor." It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. What’s included: 1 ZIP-folder containing: - SVG files - PDF files - PNG files - EPS files - DXF files “Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.” – Unknown, 173. “The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.” – Blaise Pascal, 124. Then he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor, 182. From shop LegitAvenue. Take a deep breath and let’s dive into a sea of love quotes that are funny, hilarious, and unique! “I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” – Scott Adams, 154. “If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.” – Katherine Mansfield, 175. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford, 176. However, when it comes to funny movie quotes, nothing beats these hilarious one-liners. “A person in love partly becomes a poet, a composer and the corniest person in the room.” – Unknown, 56. It … So basically a clown ninja.” – Unknown, 7. “The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What… does a woman want?’” – Freud, 71. “Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.” – Unknown, 120. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. Get to know about a woman’s nature with these funny quotes and sayings about women. Judging someone by appearances? Family Guy might be inappropriate at times but seeing as it's been on the air since 1999, they know their audience.It's one of the funniest cartoon sitcoms in years and we've found some funny Family Guy quotes to send to your friends or use for your next Instagram caption.. “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.” – Unknown, 2. “Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” – Helen Gurley Brown, 55. You worry, you cry, you stargaze and smile and you know that it is worth it! “When people try to rain on your parade,...pee on theirs”, “There are few moments of clarity more profound than those that follow the emptying of an overcharged bladder. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. “My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” – Rodney Dangerfield, 190. “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie, 36. “My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.” – Unknown, 107. See more ideas about sayings, bones funny, funny. “You can’t put a price tag on love. If you liked this funny Bob Hope quote about love, check out all the best Bob Hope Quotes And Jokes. '” – Unknown, 86. Alcohol Captions. “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” – Bill Cosby, 78. “In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.” – Unknown, 25. “Love, I’ve come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.” – Nicholas Sparks, 169.